Art Studio III - Week 13

 Final Presentation

The three selected images were printed at A3 size on Ilford Fine Art Smooth Pearl. In terms of post-production, to images were all evened up to try and create a consistent colour pallet and tonal range. This was a bit tricky with the multi-exposures, as the in-camera process shifts the colours and tones considerably from normal. In postproduction, I opted for cyan/green tones for the colour grading to enhance the feelings of sadness, coldness, and isolation. They are also less natural colours, so help to enhance the feeling of unrealness. I wanted to keep the mood dark for the same reason.

The images are meant to be read left to right to tell the story of my experience - the initial image - the world being turned upside down, the feeling of drowning, helplessness, almost like floating in another world, not being part of reality, submerged into a different reality. The second image talks about the public acknowledgment of the wearing of a black outfit being traditional mourning colours, along with the holding of memorial tree in the unfired pot with ashes, to speak to the ways in which we memorialise our loved ones, along with hope for the future. The third image is about the start of the process of redrawing our brains' neural maps, to update the virtual maps in our heads to the current reality.

It was important to me to include the video, as this speaks to the ongoing neural remapping process, that is ongoing, in a quiet way, that can be overlooked.

I wanted to test out how the video would work in the space alongside the images. I considered the size and placement of the video, and felt that I could either go very large, and take up a lot of space to encompass the overbearing feeling of the grief process, or keep it small, so that the viewer is invited into a more intimate view.

The dark spaces were already booked with other students, so although tested it out in that space, and it did work well, I felt that I wanted to take a different approach.

The idea behind the video, is the slow, gradual learning process of grief and how it takes a long-time, day by day, to redraw your neural maps to reflect your new reality. One thing I have found recently is that most people just want you to be OK. I am not Ok - how can I be? But it's hard to explain the process and it's hard to understand, especially when on your outside I seem to be doing all the right things. A few people have chosen to be present and sit there with me, which isn't easy and I really appreciate those that can. Because most people find talking about and dealing with grief hard - I know I did, and still do.

For this reason, I wanted to make the video not as easy to access, so a smaller option felt more apt for this. I brought in a tablet to test out in various placements. I tried it first on the floor so that the viewer would have to get into a position that isn't as comfortable. I felt this looked messy and wasn't really working.

I tend tried positioning the tablet on a plinth, and although this did look tidier, I made it easier to view and the position didn't really work with the printed images.

I then tried positioning it away from the printed images, but again this wasn't really working.

I think for this and the idea I am trying to convey, I purpose-built viewing box would be best - almost like a peephole to the video, so it was just a small window into the work. 

Although this could bring in too much of the element of voyeurism, which isn't what I want. I also won't have the time available this week to pursue this option further, so this won't really work for this purpose. 

I want to create more of an invitation to sit with me in the process and make it a more personal, private experience. After talking to Jenny, she put forward a few different approaches, one of which was to display a QR code with the link to the video that they can view on their own devices. This felt like a great solution - the viewers are invited to view and they can then choose if they want to sit with the work more or if they would rather not. As the work is viewed on their own screens, it becomes a more intimate experience. As the video is on a continuous loop, they can spend as much time with the work as they feel comfortable with.

The QR will be printed and displayed on the end wall by the images, so it's a natural end to the narrative presented in the photographs. (Please note - this QR code expires on June 20th)

Youtube Link - https://youtu.be/80XNOeELLr4

Final Install

Artists Statement

To Have and to Hold: Here, Now and Close.

This work explores the themes of loss and grief of a close loved one, honouring our loved ones and the neuroscience of grief.

In this work, I wanted to communicate the experience of losing a close loved one through a visual representation.

Mary O’Conner, neuroscientist, describes grief as a form of learning, our brain using the dimensions of time, space and closeness (here, now and close) to create neural maps, tracking our relationships. The maps are built up through lived experience. When we are separated from our loved ones, our brain uses these maps to predict where they are, and when we might see them again. When we lose a loved one, the virtual map in our brain no longer matches our new reality. The confusion that arises from the mismatch, causes us pain, our grief. Our brain is searching for them on the virtual map - it can't comprehend that they are no longer on the map at all. The map can only be updated through lived experience - the grief process takes time. The longer and closer the relationship (both physically and emotionally), the bigger the map, and the more there is to update.

The first image explores the trauma and confusion; descending and drowning in grief. The world is turned upside down.

The second image explores the public side of grief - the way we honour and memorialise our loved ones. Dressed in black, the colour of traditional western mourning clothing, an unfired clay vessel is held, containing a Kowhai seedling, with ash representing cremains, distributed around the young plant. The clay and ash/cremains will go back into the ground to nurture the Kowhai - the cyclic essence of the natural world played out through the memorial tree.

The third image depicts the start of attempts to redraw the neural map for the lost loved one and that relationship.

The video work is accessed via a QR code and represents the lengthy, ongoing rebuilding of neural maps that is required after a significant loss. You can choose to view and sit with the work, or not. This is the silent part of grief that often goes unseen and that many people surrounding someone grieving find difficult to engage with.

Where to Next...

The day after we said our final farewell to Glen, me and boys headed to the beach. Whilst my eldest fished, my youngest and I spend time just looking for colour in the sand and picking out all the colourful grains. The sand looks grey, but if you look closely enough there are so many different colours, so we looked for all the brightly coloured grains of sand. We decided that that's what we need to do now - life might look grey, but there is still lots of colour if we search for it. The grains are sitting in a jar on the mantlepiece as a reminder to look for the colour. Maybe the next works will use these ideas in some way?

There are certainly lots of points to springboard from in this body of work, but one aspect I am interested in exploring further is using materials that are cyclic in nature and that can be returned and reused.